paces in maturation.

I had a convo with my big sis on Sunday and she said something that I've been thinking about since then:

 Everybody matures at a different pace and I've learned to be okay with that.

 I had an ah-ha moment later. I was thinking about this campaign I'm working on (more details later) and as an extension of those thoughts, I thought about my friends and how great they are. (and how my prayers have been answered.) Each one has their struggles yet that doesn't make them any less friend worthy than the other. It just means that their journey is different from mine or my other friends. And as they are struggling, I have to continue to support and be patient with them as God and they were (and still are) patient with me. Cuz the Lord knows how stubborn I can be. Lol. A true friend is there in the valleys with you and then celebrating with you on the mountaintop. So thanks big sis (I know you are reading this. LOL.) and I really appreciated our impromptu convo on Sunday! :)

♥ A.Erika ♥  

My struggle with [professional] titles

Last week I was called Social Media Queen. I cringed. I cringed everytime somebody calls me guru, maven, etc. All those words scream mastery of some sort. And I am not a master. Not yet. Not sure I ever will be because it's ever changing. But it bothers me that people refer to me as that. Because I don't see it. I see myself trying to catch up on learning the [arts] culture, stay current with trends and such, and forsee the future with new changes. It's a difficult task. I'm currently struggling. Sometimes I feel myself sinking. Like the world is speeding past me and I'm standing still because I'm in awe of its pace.

I don't like unearned titles. Unearned titles gets people in trouble. When you start to think TOO highly of yourself, you begin to become untouchable, unrelatable, unbalanced. That false sense of security comes crashing down because you begin to think you cannot be replaced. And at THAT moment when you feel unreplacable (yep I made that word up), is the time you get replaced. I don't consider myself a maven, guru, know-it-all because there is still so much for me to learn. Hell I'm only 24! However, I'm learning to accept the respect people have for me because I'm knowledgeable in a subject that are not THAT familiar with. I saw this quote on Twitter and wished I could have faved it so many times, "The hardest lesson we have to learn is believing in ourselves as much as others do." True story.

♥ A.Erika ♥  

What do you want?

A question I have been asked very often as of recently. Sometimes its the most difficult question to answer. Like I struggle with answering it. Especially when it comes to expressing my feelings while in a relationship/situationship/dating. The fear of admitting what I want. Because in my mind, if I admit what I want and doesn't meet my expectation, I feel disappointed. So I suppress what I want. It's weird.

But I'm working to change that. Because a) if I do not truly admit what I want, I dont think I will truly be happy; b)knowing what you want helps you to set standards.

♥ A.Erika ♥ 

summer sabatical.

hello lovelies!

friendship.
my quiet storm and mouth-almighy

after a summer filled with toddlers and thinking, I'm back.

this summer I decided to nanny two 3-year-old girls. I was slightly nervous about it because I didn't suffer hell in undergrad for 4 years to become a nanny and this was not helping my career any. but I wasn't gonna pass up easy money. For two months, my girls and I went to the park, went to the aquarium, went to the petting zoo, got ice cream, went to storytime, did arts and crafts, talked about big girl school, AND took naps. [for all my tweeps, I hope my #nannydiaries captured the essence of summer as a nanny.] I realized children are not in my immediate future and riding with car seat is guy repellent. blessing and curse. Lol.

the family at mama lindo's celebration

I also used this summer to learn more about me. I was selfish this summer and I have never felt better. I was able to do some deep thinking about my career, friends, family, etc. Evaluate friendships even eliminate some. I got to meet new people and exchanged dreams/ideas with them, in turn they provided encouragement.  I reconnected to family I haven't seen in years. Partied with my parents until 6a in NYC. I was able re-develop my love of reading. Even able to meet one of my favorite writers and I'm now on HP book 4. I was able to explore my city and I'm proud to say I can navigate downtown Atlanta like a pro. Lol. I even gained a couple pounds by eating to my heart's delight. I shopped and got some "big girl clothes". I planned one of the best bday parties my mom has ever had. I got my belly button re-pierced and I'm going to see 1/3 of my rap trinity tomorrow. I'm going to a wine tasting next week and the week after, I'm meeting with some alumni. After all that, the thing I'm most proud about for summer 2011 is my relationship with God. If anything I could be selfish with is my relationship with Him. Understanding my significance and knowing who I am in Christ fuels my actions and keeps me inspired.

I'm so glad to be back. I've missed it so no more neglect. I have some surprises too as indicated by the last entry but I'm ready to unveil them just yet. But anyday now...hope u all have had a GREAT summer!


♥ A.Erika ♥

private party.

"im having a private party, learning how to love me, celebrating the woman I've become..." Private Party, India Arie.

Its been a long time coming, but this past week has been one of the best weeks I've had in a long time. Nothing really special happened, unless you count seeing my tallest friend ever in over a year, meeting a couple guys in my newly single status, partying at one of the nicest clubs in atlanta. I digress. Lol.

But apart from all that, i celebrated myself...looked introspectively and saw my progress. Getting past...the pain of a breakup...the disappointment of not getting a job after graduation...moving back in with my parents...changed friendships...etc. Not to mention, that i'm my hardest critic and sometimes i'm TOO hard on myself. Yet, last week i looked at what&who i've become, as a result. I couldnt help but be happy and have a private party like india arie. And then on sunday, pastor confirmed everything i was feeling last week with this quote: "This day could not exist without those days. You wouldn't be where you're at without what you went through."

we should all take a day to celebrate ourselves. sometimes we need to pat ourselves on the back. so as i continue to have my private parties in the future, i encourage you all to have them too. take some time to celebrate where you have come from, where you are, and where you are going.

 ♥ A.Erika ♥

follow up to letting go.

*re-reads letting go post and proceeds to write...*

That post was prematurely written. Like hypothetically written for ideal situation. As if letting go is easy. Especially if emotions are heavy and questions are unanswered.

Questions like is it normal when on a "break" to go weeks without speaking? For some reason that just doesn't seem normal. Maybe it is.

Or who contacts who first while on a break? I believe whoever initiates the break should make contact first. Maybe thats wrong too.

Or was love really felt? Or did you just say it because it was just the "right" thing to say?

Maybe these questions will be answered, most likely they won't. Either way I'm learning to get over it. I guess this can be considered a peace treaty, just waiting for your signature. No more shots. Learning from the mistakes and adjusting my life accordingly.

♥ A.Erika ♥

radical love.

Last year my parents went through a class, along with other couples, called Radical Love. The purpose of the class was to teach them to become better spouses for one another. After the class finished, the couple continue to meet and include their families during the meetings. Of course, all the kids go play elsewhere but I, partly because I'm nosy, stay with the adults. I listen to hear how these couples are trying to keep their marriages going. I sit there admiring the support these couples have with each other. Holding each other accountable and also, being that helping hand when they are in need. I love that! I hope to have that connection with my friends and their spouses. Also, I hope to have that with my future husband's friends and their spouses as well. I know support systems help me even more now that i'm relationship. For me, its a sigh of relief when I reach out to my girls or my guys and they can identify what I'm going through. To me that says, they made it though so I can too.

Not gonna lie though, sometimes I feel a lil uncomfortable while they're talking about their personal issues but I've realized they want me to hear so I wont/ help prevent me from making the same mistakes they've made. Through these meetings, I am learning what it takes to be 1) a better woman and 2) a better wife for my husband. 

One thing my mom learned from the class and has imparted to me as i'm my relationship journey is "My spouse is not my problem." I think that statement is starting to click. I cannot worry about what my beau is doing and is not doing cuz that will drive me crazy. But trying to make sure "i'm a better me so me and you can be a better we". I know I've been struggling with some things lately and this meeting is kinda what I needed.

♥ A.Erika ♥